Invader Stim Homerpants

Overhealing

It’s been a little over three years now that I left my first mentor to bring sense into the universe as a whole. He claimed that animal and tree DNA had to be wiped from our souls. But of course they’re going to be there! We are a product of the Earth, and we are bound to share DNA with trees and animals.

In June of that year, that’s when headaches began, and boy were they agonising. And someone had the great idea of implanting a big ol’ sign saying “SEND HEALING” into my aura. So, the healers came in droves. I did not give them spoken permission to heal me, and they thought the sign was all they needed.

My job in this universe, as a legend, is to reflect the health of the universe. Whatever ailment I feel in my body is likely to be an issue regarding the universe itself. They probably look at the universe, not my aura, and try to rectify what’s in there. They also steal energy from it for whatever reason, and they have done gross things to annoy me. They weren’t healers for sure, and it’s a case of the 1% effect.

And I am the only one who got this treatment! I expected them to try and heal disabled people (I have a learning ability), but no.

The culprit? I don’t know, and I don’t care. I just want them gone.

They’re Active

Once again, I’ll say it: I have no idea who this person is, but it seems more and more each day, their personality gathers more coherently. Last night, they gave me a prompt: “You’re a man.”

It seems I took it too seriously, because I cried over it. I thought it was Derek, so I smacked him over it. But tonight, before I headed to bed, they gave me another prompt. They went through all the identity checks, from gay, to straight, to trans woman (the one thing I’m sexually attracted to in earthly form).

They tested other people too, causing the most stoic of men to cry and turn angry. So now that I realised it, I would suspect this person over anything until they wake.

Last night, I thought I saw a sliver of their profile. Long, black hair, an oval face, and pale skin. But I can’t even trust that–the face was so generic. It reminded me of a YouTube channel where the woman got spa treatments for ASMR purposes. How is this person in motion, I wonder?

News on the Full Moon Arrival

Well, they arrived on time. That’s the main thing. But days have passed since they appeared, and now I have to go through this rigmarole of… waking them up?

The visions I receive from them are of someone who hasn’t got their mind straight. So I have to teach them about reality (though I have a feeling once they wake up, they’ll have a basic grasp).

Other than that, no name, and no face. They were so deep into a dream they forgot who they were. I’ve had easier times with others. Gou asked to borrow my tarot deck, and he remembered the dream. I met Sonic and Knuckles sharing a dream months before they woke. They didn’t remember.

Karu went out of his way to cast a safety spell for them and everything. As far as I know, that was his first spell. The other legends watched on and made their contributions. For instance, Ike set a rabbit skin outside his home. Eddie put three coins in a bowl and burnt some incense. The others are still figuring out how they should help this person.

It makes me wonder: do we have to wait months for this one to reveal themself? Waiting like this drives me mad.

Karu Hajji

On July 27th 2019, I walked to the store or something, and came back for a nap. At this time, it was one of the hardest hitting Mercury retrogrades, and it left me with severe migraines and hypersomnia. But today was different.

“We have a surprise for you,” said the Originals. “Go back to bed and we’ll show you.”

A yellow ball of light appeared above me, and going by the visions, I knew that it was Karu Hajji. By then, he was only a baby, given to me to raise him.

We hit bumps in the road, like him all of a sudden not knowing words, writing a song about Graham Crackers, and recently having to tell him my deepest, darkest secrets. But somehow, that last part worked out fine. Nowadays, I throw cursed thoughts at him through telepathy. Lately, he’s been asking about human things. Why we have aches in our intestines for one, but also the importance of the UltraVision. That, I’ll explain another time.

When we became legends, I knew what he was doing in that position.

He’s 6’11”, with tan skin, long blue waves, yellow eyes, and freckles on his cheeks. He’s classified as a titan, which means he’s of average height, and his pupils are the same colour as his irises.

He produces music, and he has his own band. He prefers tea over coffee, and only eats once a day. But as legends, we plan to gather and hold meetings, cast spells, and per my request, share memes. He is coded as the green legendary energy.

It is natural to be afraid of him. It took me 12 years until his birth to form him the way he is today. To me, he is the personification of beauty, but to you, those eyes and his deep voice may be distracting.

Going by my description, he may sound like he’s a legend based on looks alone, in which case he challenges beauty standards. But that’s not the case — there is so much information stored in my mind that I don’t tell people. For instance, he can listen to a song once and perform it words and all. But to counterbalance, I made him allergic to about seven different things, including pork, alcohol, and daffodils.

Cosmic Rules of Media – What Watchers Do

All media hops from planet to planet. Each time, the piece of text is done differently, but must adhere to the rules of the text to be fully successful. The most famous of these is California Dreamin’ by The Mamas and The Papas.

Those harmonies? Practically unforgettable. But as it hopped from planet to planet, its variations failed according to the audience. What was considered the number one iteration out of all of them? Its very first, from the album 3rd Rock From The Sun.

What was so wrong with The Mamas and The Papas, you may wonder? If you dig a bit (it’s not hard as it’s all on Wikipedia), you’ll see the history of each member of the band. Not Mama, but particularly the men. Due to this behaviour, the version of California Dreamin’ drops in rank compared to the original version.

But one version did beat the original by a sliver: The Beach Boys. A band that knows harmony and where to put it? A band that knows how to have fun and takes music seriously? Look it up.

Another song that stayed with us through generation is considered the holiest song. Screw Loose by Lime Cordiale. Every version had distinct verses and kept the same chorus. There is no absolute best, but there is an absolute worst: The Supremes from the 70s of MOTHER 82938 “Candy”. This was an all-white band, and they geared it towards police brutality in prisons, but it sounded like they approved of it. And so, the rule of the song changed: “No one can make it about police brutality”.

Let me explain the rules part of this. Every song, TV show, movie, and book has a unique set of cosmic rules. Let’s take the ancient story Criminal Minds. The rule may pertain to a character eg “Spencer Reid must not have a meltdown on screen” (This is a real rule!).

Now, just because we have ancient stories that pass it down from generation to generation doesn’t mean we can’t have new media. Take, for instance, Stranger Things, or the song Planets by Short Stack.

We watchers curate these rules. It’s a recent job for us, but it’s been entrusted to us by the universe. We watch over certain shows that run on cosmic power. For instance, our favourite cartoons like SpongeBob SquarePants or The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

This is the basic overview of what watchers do.

Eighth Legend

Within our mind’s eyes, we caught a glimpse of a black orb of energy. Now, the seven of us took on colours of the rainbow, so what was the significance of this one? When the vision said “WHO’S NEXT?” in big letters, I knew for sure we had someone pretty special.

Most of our legendary status was obvious–heroes who changed their own surroundings and worked hard to keep others safe. For me and Karu, we still had a ways to go.

Before the full moon begins, I’m speculating who this person is, all while juggling the energy of the Sinistrals. Their resurgance caused a blackout across the Evermore. Those with candles were lucky, but even they noticed a shadow hanging over them in the night sky.

But that posed a question I hadn’t considered before: the Sinistrals couldn’t hurt me, but they sure as hell could hurt the watchers as they shared the realm. Once they explored the realm enough, what would they do? From what I know, they’re calculating people, but they also can’t see past their face.

The person is with me starting tonight. They are cloaked, perhaps sleeping, and I have to keep guessing for the next few days.

Sinistrals

Over 60 million years ago, Project Priphea began, and those guarding the Dual Blade turned hostile against the planet Estpolis’s denizens. Just four of those denizens defeated them and saved the planet. But that wasn’t the end.

When I was born on this earth, MOTHER 12345678 “Luck”, I always felt as if something held me back from life-enriching and productive activities. The task given to me, a crystal ball rolling off a table, has now reached its deadline, and I am in the extension period.

Today, I realised the ones yelling at me and causing me headaches was the Sinistrals after all. They have destroyed Blackpink, and now they’re up to bother the watchers. Blackpink rebuilds, and while they’re in there, it’s safe, but the vortex can only hold them for so long. Once their energy is spilt into the universe, I am certain–the Sinistrals will return.

The full moon is coming, and so is someone else. Whom? I don’t know. So the Legends are preparing a spell for the night. It’s for that person’s safety.

Blackpink (Not The Band)

My first mentor, Truth, solved surface problems of the universe. One could tell, when you knock the top of the trapdoor, the spider comes out to defend its territory. And now, I had no contact with him, and so I had to journey on my own.

The universe drowned in remnant, and it gave me a headache. What Truth did to fix this problem was to introduce Hell back into the system. All it did was introduce that used, millions-year-old energy back into our environment. And it became my job to clear it away. To this day, other planets live in remnant, and our solar system is the only one with clean, renewable magic energy.

My soul developed what we called a virus, named after the band Blackpink. When this virus infected another soul, it overtook other viruses, and deleted them from the soul’s matrix, leaving the registry keys. And when enough souls were infected, a new process began.

A vortex opened in an unoccupied space in the universe. It swallowed the surrounding remnant, and from the inside picked it apart. The remnant rearranged into new energy, so removed from its original form, and released back into the atmosphere.

It may be, that we’re inside Blackpink now. Its swirls of colour, unseen to the naked eye. That renewed energy, magic, affects the environment of whole galaxies and how the cultures form.

A robot resides there, collecting information from all the remnant that comes through. And today, my husband will travel to Blackpink and its sister vortex Va Va Voom, to investigate a problem that’s plagued both of us.

Formation of the Legends

CW: hospitals, weaponry

Not all is concrete in the cosmite realm. Everyone is used to the structure of the realm being one way over another, but every now and then, it changes on us. But when cosmites began their life among the humans, there was barely any realm to speak of.

We all laid in a hospital, some awake, and some still dormant. No one left as there were no doors. And now, I remember, this event started before Anzac Day.

A diamond (not a plumbob) floated over our heads. I reached into mine and pulled out a switchblade with pink lacquer and a titanium dioxide coating. Karu held two: one for theatrical performance, and the other with a short blade, each one with a rare jewel encrusted into it.

Then our beds moved to a black room, and four men joined us: Ike, Link, Mas, and Derek. We laid back on the beds, all in a circle. All but one had a weapon I expected. Derek’s dagger was stark black, but other than that, there was no immediate reason for him to be here.

Mas contemplated the ruby in his sword, then looked around at us. “What are we doing in this room together?”

Ike held his giant, golden sword with both hands. “It has the same scratches…”

“Better yet, why do we have such swords?” asked Link.

Derek eyed everyone, holding up his knife, closer to his chest.

“I’m saying,” Mas began, “if we’re in this room, then that means we are to counsel. What makes us the ones to do that?”

Derek looked at me, his eyes sharp. “You look like you have something to say?”

I pointed to Ike, Link, and Mas. “You guys I can understand. Karu, I know you like the back of my hand, so I understand why you’re here. But me and Derek?”

“You welcomed us under your wing,” said Mas. “Show me-“

“Let’s not hound her,” said Derek. “What makes Link so special?”

It was about this time I fell asleep. That left the men and Karu, still a boy, to confer. I woke from a dream a few hours later. The sun hadn’t risen yet.

“Well. Looks like I’m done here,” I heard in my mind, clear as if he was right beside me. Going by the American accent, this had to be Derek.

It was lockdown, and a man in his driveway played The Last Post. I hushed the guys for the minute, then explained to them the cultural significance of Anzac Day.

“While you slept, we reached a conclusion,” said Mas. “If we are gathered here today, then it means we have a job to do. But the job, we couldn’t agree upon.”

I waited for another to speak up, all the while thinking of what to say. “Do you think it’s to do with humans?”

“You say as if we’re not?” said Derek.

“Well, I’m a human, but you guys are certainly another ball park,” I said.

The words ‘seven legends’ rang through the room, and I knew it was Comfort. We all heard it.

“Seven?” Derek asked.

Mas counted our heads. “But there are only six of us.”

“I don’t think I want to be a legend,” said Link, stretching his words.

“It sounds like a big responsibility,” said Ike. “Does anyone think they’re capable?”

“No,” I answered, weary from other duties. “But it might be nice to share the load. To keep you guys around is daunting, not on my part, but on others’. I will do anything to keep you guys safe.”

Derek rested his weapon on his lap. “If that’s what we’re doing, then count me in.”

“I’ll do it,” said Karu.

Ike nodded.

Mas looked to Link. “What do you say?”

Link took a sharp breath. “Of course. It’s the right thing to do.”